Overcoming The Internal Struggle of Who We Think We Are and Who We Really Are
In this day and age, we live in a society where we rely heavily on our social status for the approval of others with the objective to fit in. Google Dictionary states the definition of social status as “A person’s standing or importance in relation to other people within a society.” Here is the reality though: we lose ourselves by edifying a persona of ourselves at the cost of hiding the amazing parts of us that define who we really are – our inner beauty.
But guys and gals here is the catch. By doing so, we make it harder for us to find who we really are because everyone tries so hard to be someone they aren’t. It becomes a never-ending life chore. We get so lost in who we think we want to be, instead of discovering the inner beauty of who we’re actually created to be. I myself tried to paint this beautiful picture of who I thought I was through my social status in my late teens and early twenties to fit in with a crowd who never actually cared about the real me. I bought expensive clothes, wore way too much makeup, socially drank to impress this crowd to show I was one of them and began lying to myself by chasing perfection.
When it came down to it, the second I showed a glimpse of the real me, I was kicked to the curb flat on my rear end and I was tired of trying to fit in. I finally realized that I was really born to stand out. The truth is, we were all created to be imperfect and the only way to accept that you are enough as you are is to accept your imperfections and choose to grow from them. In that midst, we start to stumble over this fear of belonging and acceptance. In a book called The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown, she states: “True belonging happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
We all have a choice: to chase perfection or to accept who we are in our beautifully imperfect state. I chose me. It was not easy facing the truth, after building an empire with a foundation of my own lies that I created, but I chose authenticity. Brene states “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”
It all stems down to being vulnerable. Merriam Webster Dictionary defines vulnerable as being “capable of being physically or emotionally wounded.” Well, that sounds scary, but it’s really not as scary as you might think. In a Psychology Today article by Robert D. Stolorow titled, “Vulnerability” Stolorow states that “refusing our vulnerability we refuse the help needed at every turn of our existence and immobilize the essential, tidal and conversational foundations of our identity.”
I was unfamiliar with these things in my life. I quickly learned that being vulnerable meant being able to show one’s true self to not only themselves, but to another person. When I met the love of my life, I initially was in the middle of battling my fake self with my real self. Through the journey of our relationship, he was patient with me while I tore down those walls to allow him to really see me, as well as for me to really see me. It took time, patience, learning, and growing, but today I can truly say that I love me, and I now have true friends who love me and a wonderful person in my life who accepts me, as much as I accept and love myself.
I now know that I am enough, my imperfections and all, and my vulnerability has now also become my invincibility. In turn, I don’t seek others approval, but I am now comfortable with myself 100 percent. And to you, dear reader, who is reading this, I love you for your true authentic self, and all the beautiful imperfections that you come with. I love who you were created to be, even if you yourself don’t know who that is just yet. Discovering who you are will be totally worth it.